Because I read that blogs should have lists, I’ve written one about how to get your last-minute Christmas shopping done WITHOUT shopping. (Which is more appropriate than “Four ways to unclog the mess in the toilet,” because I have only three so far.)

So how do you finish shopping? With FREE Kindle DOWNLOADS!
(CAPS and bolding–classic advertising techniques. Yeah, I’ve got this.) Here are the top four solutions to typical holiday shopping problems, most experienced by me (and I’m still trying to get over #2).

4. ‘Tis the last Saturday before Christmas, Dec. 21, and all through the parking lots, not a space is open, not even if you idle your car in the middle of an aisle waiting, grumbling and cursing merrily, hoping for someone to get into their car.
But they don’t, because according to the Universal Law of Waiting, you’ve chosen the wrong row. Cars are moving on the other rows, but not on yours until mid February.

The Universal Law of Cars in the Parking Lot is that you will always forget what yours looks like.

“Crud,” you think. “I hate shopping as it is, and this isn’t even the parking lot for the mall, or Target, or Wal-Mart. No, this is the parking lot for Dollar Tree, and I’m not getting in here either!” That’s when you remember that there are FREE Kindle book downloads today: both of my books are available on Kindle, and it won’t cost you a dime or the last shreds of your temper. So drive home now and download Forest at the Edge of the World and Soldier at the Door for everyone you can think of, because you can also read them on your PC and cell phone. And today, the books even cheaper than plastic from Dollar Tree.

Let’s see–Mom says she always carries a black handbag.

3. It’s Christmas Eve, and you find out that your Great Aunt Martha is coming for Christmas! And you’re not even sure which one of these women she is!
And your budget is shot, because while you had those Kohl’s bucks burning a hole in your wallet, you spent them on your teenage son getting him a sweater the cat will likely use more than him.
So you need something for the sweet old woman (whichever she is) and you realize that a book with adventure, soldiers, a bit of romance, a bit of politics, and even a big drooling dog just might fit the bill. Besides, you know her son bought her a Kindle last year, and while she still tries to turn it on with her remote control (a device she learned to use two Christmases ago) you know she’ll enjoy an escape into a new and intriguing world.

And Grandpa, it didn’t help that you told her you tried it out first.

2. It’s Christmas Day, and your daughter got a new Kindle for Christmas. (Thanks, Grandpa. Much better than last year when you bought the poor 13-year-old an electric shaver. She’s still traumatized that you think she has legs like a male Bulgarian weight-lifter, but at least this is a step in the right direction.)
But now, what to put on the Kindle? Free books! And yes, both of my books will be available today as well, giving your daughter something insightful to read without vampires, werewolves, or broody teenagers (well, ok—there are one or two in there).
And while you’re at it, get a copy for Grandpa, too, because there are swords and fighting and what’s Christmas without a bit of violence?

It may actually have something to do with boxes.

1. Dec. 26th–It’s Boxing Day! Yeah, I’m not sure what that tradition entails either, but in honor of my first UK sale (UK is “England” and “a few other places” to the rest of us), I’m celebrating Britain’s Boxing Day by having my last free download day on Dec. 26. Jolly good and tally-ho and Top Gear. Boxing Day has something to do with rich people giving poor people stuff, but poor people can give other poor people stuff too. And if you didn’t get what you wanted for Christmas, get yourself two free books.

So have a great holiday season, on me! (By that I mean, given by me to you for free; I don’t exactly mean “have a party on top of me,” because I’m rather lumpy so the table would wobble.)